After the past few weeks from hell, I am finally starting to feel like some positivity is being cultivated in my brain that’s been otherwise filled with sadness.
My director said to me “it’s so unlike you to never see positives in things” and it’s true, to some extent. I’m positive about many things. Though my anxious side hides much of that, but mainly I can see the good in everything.
It’s been harder than usual to put up that front, I have to admit. Given the circumstances. I found that even things that made me happy, like blogging, gave me no interest whatsoever. I really hit a huge blip and felt like I was in a deep, dark hole I didn’t know how to get out of.
I then realised I could deal with this in one of two ways. I could choose to ignore the good, blowing the bad up like a projector on a cinema screen, letting it fill my every thought, every feeling, every part of my existence. Or I could feel this through, take it by the day, and really try to help myself to realise that everything I believe in, that things do happen for a reason, even the worst, most horrific things, have life lessons and a bright light buried beneath them.
I couldn’t see it, and some days I still struggle to. But filling your life with things that make you happy, keep you distracted, the reminders that life does go on, that’s what makes life and terrible circumstances feel that little bit easier. I have listened to endless repeats of Lana Del Rey and Frank Ocean, plus cheesy films such as High School Musical and Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging. No matter how old I am, they are always iconic.
And minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day it’s getting better. Even if just a little bit. Even if I or my family don’t realise yet. Looking back things have changed, perspectives have shifted and there seems to be a little light getting brighter the closer we stumble towards it.
Even when you feel like you’re the weakest in the world, you’re still so strong. Keep going.
And remember, most of all, to look after yourself and your mind, body and soul the most.